So Long and Good Night
by UnstableUniverses
Summary: Set in the current day, the crew of the Serenity must rob a bank. But things go terribly wrong when another group attempts to stop them. Written for the Unstable Universes podcast.


_AN: If something is in all caps, it's a My Chemical Romance title or lyric._

Rain drizzled on the rooves of the miserable grey city of Newark, New Jersey. Four masked figures burst out of the bank's front doors and ran across the sidewalk to the awaiting car with the word "Serenity" decaled on the doors and front hood.

"Come on, come on, get in!" yelled Wash, the waiting driver. As the last of the masked robbers piled in with their gym bags of money, he slammed on the gas the vehicle lurched forward with a screech.

The Serenity sped down the streets of Newark. Wash deftly dodged between cars and pedestrian, swinging into oncoming traffic and barreling through red lights. The bang whooped and hollered with victory as they made their escape.

"How are no cops on our tails? This is amazing!" shouted Kaylee from the back seat. She cradled her ill-gotten cash as if it were a baby in her arms.

"Because those bastards are," Mal pointed backward, finally noticing the all-black hearse in hot pursuit of their car. In the driver's seat, with a shock of bleached hair was emo front man and renowned superhero, Gerard Way. The rest of his band and superhero team, My Chemical Romance, were hanging out of the windows, poised to attack the Serenity.

Jane cracked every knuckle in his body as he tensed his muscles, "Pull over and let me deal with 'em, Captain. They're just a bunch of emo weirdos, they got nothin' on me."

"I can help too, look!" Kaylee offered. She closed her eyes briefly in focus. With a yelp, a rush of energy released from her body. She looked back and giggled as she saw the pursuing hearse began to slow down.

"狒狒的屁眼" ( _AN: this is pronounced "FAY-FAY duh PEE-yen" and is an actually curse from the show, translating to "baboon's asshole_. _"_ ) Jane cursed, "you know you can't aim your EMP blasts, Kaylee! The Serenity is toast now too!"

Kaylee noticed that the rude man was correct, and their vehicle was also beginning to slow down.

"I am a leaf on the wind… Watch how I soar." Wash muttered as he struggled to direct it, but with power steering offline, there was no aiming the car. It careened into a mailbox and came to a sudden halt. Wash let out a cry as all of his plastic dinosaurs went flying from their dashboard home, "The Serenity is totaled!"

"We'll get you a new one, honey," promised Zoe, "It's only a Toyota Corolla."

Wash nodded and wiped away a tear. "But first, we have to deal with those guys."

All five of the Serenity crew climb out of the totaled vehicle. Wash gave one last kiss to the steering wheel before stepping out and facing the hearse. The band of emo superheroes stood in a line in front of them.

"Surrender yourselves, or this is THE END for you," shouted Gerard.

"Fat chance, 真沒耐性的佛祖!" ( _AN: pronounced "Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo" meaning "Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha"_ ) bellowed Mal. "I ain't going to that HOUSE OF WOLVES."

"Well, you had your chance," Gerard called back, then turned to his compatriots, "HANG 'EM HIGH, boys."

The following Sailor Moon-style outfit change was the most amazingly emo thing ever seen by man. The five musicians' clothing dissolved into shadow. In a series of sweeping extreme close ups, their clothing is replaced by grayscale marching band costumes garment by garment. They each strike an iconic pose before charging toward the bank robbers.

Zoe and Wash both fire shots at Mikey Way, the band's bassist and second in command. The bullets ricochet off his chest uselessly.

"神聖的睾丸" ( _AN: pronounced "Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN" meaning "Holy Testicle Tuesday"_ ) Zoe muttered, dropping her gun to the ground and raising her fists. "He's got a BULLETPROOF HEART. Guess we'll have to teach him the old fashioned way."

Jane injects himself with a comically-large syringe labelled "Jane" but the J is clearly a bad cover up of the letter B. The solution in the syringe results in the man growing in muscle mass and somehow getting even dumber.

Meanwhile, the three bandmates that no one cares about have a similar strategy. They grasp hands in a circle and begin humming, with a swirl of shadow, their bodies disappear and in their place is one incredibly large and burly emo monstrosity with three heads and six arms. The two hulking man-beasts charge at each other, foaming at their mouths.

The two leaders of each team faced off. Gerard Way screamed, his voice so loud it shattered all the nearby windows. Mal flinched at the noise, but he was so used to gunfire from the war, that he stood his ground. He took a superhuman leap forward and tackled his opponent to the ground.

"Look, boy. We wasn't hurting anybody, so how about we get along with our earnings and you go play your concert. I know you're missing it, we have tickets. We're just running a tad late with our errands," the browncoat explained to the thrashing emo man below him.

"FAMOUS LAST WORDS," retorted Gerard and he let loose a scream so forceful it threw Mal twenty feet up in the air.

The bandmate fusion, seeing that Mikey was being beaten down by Zoe and Wash, used one of his extra arms that wasn't wrestling Jane and ripped a telephone pole out of the ground. The mutant threw the pole like a lance and it pierced Wash's chest with a sickly wet _thunk_.

"I'm a… leaf on the wind…" Wash gasped as he crumpled to the ground. Zoe gave Mikey one last kick to the teeth before collapsing next to her husband and cradling him in her arms.

Gerard and Mal exchanged blow after superhuman blow, but Gerard was much younger and emotion coursed through his veins. With one last heart-wrenching scream, he managed to push Mal back and directly into another of the free arms of the bandmate fusion, who caught and held the rebel captain firmly.

Still with four hands focused on Jane, the bandmate fusion managed to wrestle the juiced up Baldwin into a set of massive handcuffs.

With all of the criminals apprehended, Gerard ran to his brother, laying bleeding on the ground.

"Are you alright, Mikey?" the older brother asked worriedly.

"I'M NOT OKAY, I PROMISE," the younger man said with his final breath.

"Serves you bastards right," yelled the new widow, Zoe.

"Zoe, it's over. They won, you don't need to make it worse. Besides, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GUYS LIKE US IN PRISON," Mal said, defeated.

THE END


End file.
